Good Grief!!!

They say that grief gets worse as the years pass when a loved one passes away. But does it have to be? Let’s talk about it.

This year is the two year anniversary of my mom’s burial. So many emotions flood my mind today.

Leading up to this day, my mind became very negative. I didn’t want to go to church, hang with friends, snapped at Bayleigh Ray (my 7 month old pup), and was very close to snapping at my dad for no apparent reason. Also, the enemy kept tempting me to turn to a past addiction that I had once been free from. I also felt ashamed whenever I would give into temptation and felt that something was wrong with me.

Here were some of the thoughts that kept bombarding my mind and maybe you’ve thought the same thing:

“It’s been two years since I’ve been back and I feel I have taken a million steps backs”

“I can’t believe I went back to this addiction. I feel so ashamed”

“What is wrong with me?”

“God where are you?”

“Everyone is progressing and here I am still on a healing journey where I don’t know when it’ll end!”

“I don’t wanna be here anymore”

“It would be better if I wasn’t on this earth anymore” (We’ll talk about suicide in another post)

I’m sure that you can think of other thoughts that may bombard your mind when grief is prevalent in the air.

Let’s break down the word Grief.

Grief is defined as “the pain of mind produced by loss, misfortune, injury or evils of any kind; sorrow; regret” (Webster, 1828).

Whenever grief is present, it will first affect the mind. 

My mom passed away a week after my birthday and the week after that, we buried her. When my birthday came around last year, my birthday without her, my mind went back to when she was in the hospital on my birthday because something was wrong. Days later, my mind remembers coming to see her 24 hours before she passed. Me and my dad slowly watched her not be able to breathe before they took her to ICU where she saw a glimpse of heaven and chose to leave. My mind remembers the week after when we had her funeral and buried her beside my grandmother who passed a year prior, another pain to my mind that I never got over.

As these two years have passed, unknowingly, my mind began to become pained with the memory of my mom passing, causing grief to appear. This particular, the second year anniversary of her burial, has been very painful. There were outwards symptoms of an internal problem that was going on with me mentally.

Remember that the Mind is a part of your soul. Your soul is made up of your mind, will, emotions, intellect. And many times, when you see outwards symptoms of someone being angry or upset or depressed, something in the soulish realm is bothering them. For me, it was the grief of losing my mom.

On my way to work, I put on my my Spanish gospel music and encouraged myself to have a good day despite how I was feeling. But I was praising God, Holy Ghost illuminated my mind to why I was feeling off for the past week and a half. He said “your mom was buried on this day and leading up to it, you’ve been trying to block out the reality of it all with worldly means unbeknownst to you. But your mom is cheering you on from the Grand Stands of Heaven”. It was like a Damn had broken within me and I couldn’t keep myself from breaking down. My boss was gracious enough to let me off.

As believers we are not called to grieve as the world grieves because we know where our saved loved ones will end up. Yes, there is a time to grieve those that have passed away. But once we have grieved, we must continue thou with what the Lord has called us to do. Even as I type this, I am encouraging myself that the days ahead will get better. The sun will still shine. The Lord is still on the throne and I know where my mom is.

How can we get through our season of Grief?

1. Walk through with the Lord

   • King David said “even though I walk through the [sunless] valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod [to protect] and Your staff [to guide], they comfort and console me” (Psalm 23:4, AMP). When we are grieving, it can feel like we are walking through darkness with no light in sight. But the Lord is there with His rod and staff to protect and guide you through this difficult time if you allow Him to.

2. Allow Him to restore your soul

   • Again, King David says the Lord is the restorer of souls (Psalm 23:3). That word, restore, means “To bring back or recover from lapse, degeneracy, declension or ruin to its former state (Webster, 1828). As you walk through this season of grief, allow the Lord to restore back to the former, your soul. Think of it has a supernatural reset of your mind, will, and emotions. He’ll even give replace those painful memories with happy memories of your loved ones that have gone home to be with the Lord. He’s done it for me and He will do it for you to.

3. Reach out to friends, family, or even a grief counselor if you are having a difficult time grieving

   • One of the best things that I did right after my mom, passed was that I had counseling sessions with one of the associate pastors at my church in Oklahoma (Shoutout to Pastor Bill Ray and Rhema Bible Church). It is very wise to have a level headed mentor, counselor, or even friend who’s been where you’ve been, to help steer you in the right direction while going through a season of grief. Grief can cause you to become numb to your surroundings and you will try to do any and everything to block out the reality of the loss. But I urge you to reach out to someone that you trust so they can be there for you during your season of grief. And if people are telling you that you should be over it by now, then they are not your people. Forgive them and move on.

In closing, I want to say that I am proud you and how far you have come despite the grief that may try to grip you at times. Remember that your loved ones are cheering you on from the Grand Stands of Heaven along with my mom and grandma. But there maybe someone reading this who may grieve as the world grieves because they don’t know Jesus and they don’t know if they will make it to the Grand Stands of Heaven. Well it’s very simple. Say this simple prayer and watch how the Lord completely transforms your life.

Salvation Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father, I admit that I am a sinner and I repent. Today, I choose to believe that Jesus is the Son of God. I believe that He lived, died on the cross, and rose again. Jesus, I ask that you come into my heart and save me. Today, I confess my faith in Jesus Christ, my Savior and Lord. Thank you Lord for saving me. Thank you Lord for forgiving me. I am now in right fellowship with You. In Jesus name, Amen.

Welcome to the Family.